Acceptance — the first step to overcome problems
Have you ever felt like god is torturing us by giving us a life full of problems? I have felt that. But eventually I came to understand that problems are inevitable and our betterment is in accepting those problems and trying to solve them.
The high-level view of problems
It was a fine sunny day like how most of the novels start. I was happy and was going to get my driving license which I had applied for few weeks ago. When I received my driving license, I was ambivalent. I didn’t know how to react; Last letters of my name were missing.
I was planning my GRE and as a first step I was signing up on ETS and you know what? I was not getting a confirmation email from them. I was frustrated, I sought out help from everyone I know and even wrote to them, at last the problem was in the password I was using to create account.
I was registering for my test date and again I was facing problem with the payment. These are some bits of the problem-bubble I am in. My thinking was like why I have these many problems.
I was reading the book by Mark Manson where I read about problems and happiness stuff. I found the book so resonating with me and It changed the way I dealt with problems. By the way, this blog is also based on that book and some slices of my personal view added to it.
The way I like to think about problems is that God has sent us with some set of questions and every time we face a problem we are facing a question from the set. Every time we solve a problem we end up giving a correct answer to the question. Like any other exams this exam contains hard and easy questions and no cheating is allowed. It may sound lame and doesn’t make sense but this is what I think about problems. Everyone has different sets of questions to solve and we may not realize this until we put ourselves into their shoes. Some questions may be analogous but the answers to them may differ as every answer depends on our circumstances and experiences.
Problems are constant in life. There is no way to get rid off them. Every time we solve a problem new one arises. Problems never go off, instead they evolve and upgrade. You know what, we seek out happiness in the wild but the happiness is a state of mind which is attained when we are satisfied and we achieve satisfaction when we solve a problem.
Relation between happiness and problem
When I say happiness, I doesn’t mean putting a smile on face while internally getting eaten up by problems. Happiness is a state of mind that is achieved when we feel peace and satisfied. Most of the time satisfaction comes from solving problems. The more we work on our problems the more happy we feel. when you have a problem which is taking ages to solve and at last after solving it, the elite level of satisfaction and happiness we get is the real fruit of our hardwork. Some people try to circumvent these problem-happiness cycle by avoiding the problems.
some people try to seek happiness without solving problems. Mark Manson likes to classify these type of people into two categories as shown below:
- Denial:
These people deny that they have problems in the first place and hence try to avoid the reality. This may make them feel good for short term but in the long run their life end up in insecurity, neuroticism and emotional repression. - Victim mentality:
These are the people who acknowledge that their problems exist but they think that there is no means to solve them. They try to blame outside circumstances and others for their problems. They may feel better for short term but they end up living a life of anger, helplessness and despair.
It is better if we don’t end up in any of those categories.Remember, nobody who is actually happy has to stand in front of a mirror and tell himself that he’s happy.
Final words:
So at last the problems are inevitable. There is no means of avoiding them. Our betterment is in accepting our problems and to solve them. The feeling of satisfaction is achieved when we solve them. Greater the problem, Greater the reward of satisfaction. Many self-help gurus teach you new techniques of self-denial and pump you with exercises which may help in short term, without understanding the underlying problem. We can solve our own problems without depending on others to solve them for us.
